


Deja Vu

by astudyinfic



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec-centric - Freeform, Big Brother Alec, M/M, Parent Fic, Reminiscing, just a whole lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 21:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9204611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: It's familiar, the feeling of the new life in his arms.But each time, it's a little different; that feeling that comes to Alec in those moments.  A deeply ingrained desire to love, to protect and to cherish three of the five most important people in his life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta readers, tumblr users [arrowbythebooks](http://arrowbythebooks.tumblr.com) and [moonboundaddict](http://moonboundaddict.tumblr.com)

**Twenty-Two Years Ago**

His earliest memory: three-year-old Alec looked up at his mother with wide, innocent, hazel eyes as the tiny bundle was placed in his trembling arms. “This is your sister, Isabelle. As her big brother, your job will be to protect her and train her. Can I count on you, Alexander?” He nodded, quiet and thoughtful from the moment he was born, already understanding his responsibilities as the eldest child of the Lightwood family.

Robert was nowhere to be found, despite his child having been born a few hours prior. Probably back in Idris already. Maryse stepped out of the room, Alec flinching in sympathy for whoever was the unfortunate recipient of her raised voice behind the closed door. Instead of listening, he turned his attention back to Isabelle. She was so small, with round chubby cheeks and pretty pink lips.  As far as Alec was concerned, there was no girl in the world prettier than his baby sister. Her eyes blinked open, looking into his. “Oh,” he breathed. For once, he finally understood what they meant about being descended from angels. He had heard it so many times but never really got it until now. No person or thing on heaven or earth could be as pure or perfect as his sister.  

Alec may have been born in Idris but he had no memories of living there. His home had always been New York and while Maryse was distracted, he smiled down at his baby sister. “I’ll show you all the best places to play in the Institute,” he promised. “And I’ll teach you everything I know. You will never be sad, Izzy-belle. I will be your best friend. You will never be alone.” None of the other families had children in the New York Institute. Alec spent all his time alone, his parents often leaving him on the floor of their office while they worked. He’d learned to entertain himself but now he had Isabelle.  

The possibilities were endless now and his childish chatter filled the room. Izzy grabbed her brother’s finger, making little Alec laugh happily. “You can stay in my room. We can tell stories and play games. We will have the best time, Izzy-belle.”

“Her name is Isabelle, Alexander.” The young boy did his best not to jump at his mother’s voice.  He hadn’t heard her come back in and she would be upset with him for not paying enough attention. “You will say her name right. I expect nothing less than perfection from you. This Institute will be yours someday and you will act like the rightful heir.”

“Yes, mother,” he nodded, keeping his eyes downcast. They remained locked on Izzy and he focused on making his words come out properly. “Isabelle.” He finally looked up at his mother, hoping to see some approval.

Instead, she took Izzy from his arms and placed her in the bassinet. “Now, back to your room.  You have runes you could be studying.”  

Alec gave an obedient nod and stood, eyes downcast as he walked away from the room, his mother hardly paying attention to either of them. His path was set. He would do what was expected of him and maybe that would mean Izzy could have more fun. He wanted to see his baby sister smile. He would make sure she was happy, even at his own expense.  

Looking back, Alec realized that no three-year-old should ever feel like that and might have been the first time he decided to give up what he wanted to make sure the ones he loved were happy.  It certainly wasn’t the last.  
  
**Thirteen Years Ago**  
Alec wasn’t alone that time. Isabelle sat next to him. Looking down at the tiny person in his arms, Alec knew this would always be one of the happiest moments of his life. Twelve years old and the top student in his class at the Academy, the moment he got word that his mother was in labor, Alec had excused himself from school to take a portal home. He wanted to be there to meet the newest member of the family. While he already had his hands full taking care of Isabelle and Jace, he couldn’t help the excitement that bubbled up whenever he thought about the new baby.

As far as their kids knew, Maryse and Robert never had a happy relationship. They seemed to view their marriage more as a business arrangement than a wedded union (something that once more Alec would reflect back as another defining aspect of his personality), and when Alec went off to the Academy, it seemed likely that they would more or less go their separate ways once the other two were out of the house. Shadowhunters may marry for life but that didn’t mean they had to live together or even see each other. Alec couldn’t have been more surprised when they told the older kids that Maryse was expecting.

But now, the baby stared up at them with those warm brown eyes, studying the faces in front of him. Maxwell seemed too big a name for someone so small, but Alec figured Alexander probably had as well. Their parents did like their overly formal names, though, so far, the three kids they had all shortened them to something more manageable. “Max,” Alec smiled, doing what he could to make sure his brother followed in their footsteps.  

Neither of their parents were in the room with them, which made it feel more relaxed. Isabelle took to the role of big sister immediately, walking around the room cooing to her little brother in a way that only Izzy could manage. It warmed Alec and he knew those two, along with Jace, would be the most important things in his life; his motivation and his heart.

“I got to hold you when you were born,” Alec mused, watching her and Max together. “You were so small. I worried that something would happen to you. How could someone so small survive? I was three and everything seemed bigger then, except for you. I promised you I would always look out for you, Izzy.” It felt as if his heart would break, that it wasn’t big enough to hold the love he felt for three people. How did others manage it?  “And now, Max. What if I can’t do it, Izzy?” It seemed a lot of pressure and Alec knew he could never express his doubts to his parents. Signs of weakness weren’t allowed, particularly in their eldest. He already did so many things wrong in their minds; Alec wasn’t willing to add anything more to the list.

Only nine years old, she was much smarter and stronger than he remembered being at that age. Isabelle came to sit next to Alec, resting her head on his shoulder and looking up at him with big brown eyes, trusting and full of love. “You can do it, Alec.

You already do. You are the best big brother ever and I know Max will feel the same way.”  

“Really?”

She nodded, “Really.”  
  
**Present Day**  
When the call came, Alec knew his whole life had been building to this point. Everything he did, everything he had been through led to this moment and it felt so heartbreakingly familiar that he couldn’t stop the few tears that slipped from his eyes. He knew Magnus wouldn’t judge him.  His husband looked as emotional as Alec, in any case.

He should be a pro at this by now. Sure, this time the baby had blue eyes and black hair (the tiny horns sticking through only made him more adorable in Alec’s not-at-all-biased opinion), instead of the brown hair and eyes of his siblings, but the surge of love he felt was so desperately familiar.  The baby was older, several months old instead of a newborn and when he looked up at Alec, he grinned brightly and grabbed his finger. Alec gave a stifled sob and leaned back against Magnus, thankful that he was there with him.

“Are you sure, Alexander?” he heard Magnus ask. There was insecurity in his tone, which was the only reason he managed to tear his eyes away from the baby warlock currently happily chewing on Alec’s finger and look into the eyes of the man he loved.  “A baby. A warlock baby. Is this what you want?”

If someone had asked him that question a few days ago, it would have given him pause. A child was a huge commitment and as certain as he was that he and Magnus were forever (or as forever as Alec could make it), he wasn’t just asking for a few decades of Magnus’ life.  For him, this child would be there throughout eternity, a constant reminder even after Alec was gone.  Was that fair to Magnus?  Was that even Alec’s decision to make?  “I think,” Alec said softly, looking at the baby in his arms.  “I think that he has already chosen us.  Who are we to say no?”

Magnus’ smile had been brilliant, tears shining in his eyes as he nodded.  “Our son is beautiful, isn’t he?”  

He was.  Alec had heard people talking about the child - the little horned baby who had been dropped on the Clave’s doorsteps - with something akin to horror.  They spoke as if they couldn’t imagine anyone loving such a child.  But Alec had never seen a more beautiful baby.  Not Isabelle, not Max.  No child would ever compare.  

The child’s eyes were bright and intelligent, looking between Magnus and Alec, memorizing their faces.  He giggled happily, grabbing one of Magnus’ necklaces which made the elder warlock gasp as he was pulled forward with a strength that didn't seem possible for someone so small.  “Alright, little one.  I know you like the jewelry but be careful with Papa’s neck, okay?” Magnus asked with a soft laugh.  

_Papa_.  They were parents. This child in his arms was theirs.  Another person to love and protect, to hold when he got scared and stand beside in good times and bad.  There should have been fear, and maybe there was a little, but after Isabelle and Jace and Max, after Clary and Simon and Lydia, after all the people Alec had loved over the course of his life, it it just didn't seem scary.  It seemed natural.  

Alec’s role in life had been determined since he was three-years-old and tiny Izzy was placed in his arms.  He was the protector, the big brother, the one everyone could count on.  And now, he was a father, too.  Adding that title was as easy as shooting his arrows.  He had been preparing for this for the last twenty-two years.  And with Magnus by his side, Alec knew this would be the greatest thing he ever did.

“I love you,” he smiled at the baby.  His eyes went up to Magnus’ whose face reflected all the love and excitement Alec was feeling.  “I love you both.”

“And we love you, Alexander.  We love you."

**Author's Note:**

> So, obviously not Max Lightwood-Bane, for several reasons. This is some other, unnamed Lightwood-Bane baby (and if you have name suggestions for him, I'm happy to hear them). 
> 
> Comments make me happy!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [astudyinfic](http://astudyinfic.tumblr.com)


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